Monday, April 30, 2012

Granny knows best

So the rom-com is ticking along nicely. Well, by nicely I really mean fits and starts and disjointed scenes and I have to keep telling myself I can't edit a blank page so I've got to get something down, even if it's sucktastic. It's got a working title of 'Chunks' and no, you don't want to know why. Just trust me, you just don't. I've done a rough, very very rough outline and spent a lot of time thinking about exactly what needs to happen for this to be worth reading.

I know the story I want to tell fairly well, but can I actually tell it? Yes, yes I think I can. If it will cooperate. Now I've run smack into the first of what I'm sure is going to be many unexpected issues. Lemme explain.

I've got two main characters, and one slightly less main character. Slightly less main character has a grandmother that was supposed to roll in, observe the situation, and pronounce doom on everyone for the trouble they've got themselves into that kicks off the whole story. Then she's supposed to flounce away back to the bingo hall to shotgun Ensure and speculate about the new Dallas movie. This is her only scene, right? But she won't leave.

Won't. Leave.

Now granny's over in the corner, cackling with glee at the pitiful hijinks the others are suffering from. No, she won't fix it for them. She could, but she won't. She's too busy laughing and besides, that's too easy. I tried to hurry her away so they could get on with dealing with the problem themselves. Exit Granny, stage left. She wasn't having it. She declared doom on me too and threatened to belt me with her cane. This was more entertaining than any amount of bingo and gossip and she wasn't going to be escorted to the door. Nope.

Horrified, I backed away from the keyboard.

How does that even work? I'm making this up. Is there a part of my mind represented by the granny that blows a great big raspberry at the rest of my mental bandwidth? What does that mean about me as a person? I can't even make the invisible, imaginary people I make up out of absolute nothing do what I want.

Apparently I'm a pushover. No wonder my dog never listens. I'm going to make some more coffee and then me and granny are having it out. She's giving me the evil eye right now. Shit. But she's not staying. No.

Bring it on, granny. 

Monday, April 16, 2012

It's finished! Now start again!

The horror feature has now finished the gauntlet of friends and family. Based on their feedback, it has been tweaked and sharpened to a fine edge. In a gruesome, blood dripping kind of way. It is horror, after all. People say 'the cutting edge' when they mean modern technology. They forget the real cutting edge is a sharp, shiny blade. Perfect for... well... I don't want to give too much away. 

I also did an entry for 50 first kisses. Two pages max and there has to be a kiss. Bring it on. It's free and they let foreigners enter so it's my kinda contest. I read the winning scripts for the last one page contest the London Screenwriting Festival did. It absolutely blew my mind just how much story could be told in one page if the writer was deft enough. You can read them both here.

My favorite one is 'Everything you need' by David Turner. Go read it and weep with envy. I did.

One page people. The writer did ALL THAT in one page. It's just so perfect. 

I wanted to print both winning scripts out and shove them under the nose of everyone I knew and bellow, "Read this! Isn't it brilliant!?! Look how awesome that is!" I wanted to, I didn't actually do it. They would have fitted me with an I-Love-Me jacket if I had.  I am capable of censoring myself, but it's so hard sometimes. I just want to share my love of amazing stories with everyone whether they want me to or not

Now I'm circling another few ideas. I've been jotting them down on the computer as they occur to me so I've got a few stacked up.  What to write next is my big dilemma. I've got an idea for a tv pilot. If I started working on it now it should be just about ready to enter in the ABC Fellowship next spring.

There's another idea for a feature floating around in my brain, a rom-com this time. About... well... lemme write it first and then I'll tell you all about it. It's funny though, you'll be in stitches and never think of voodoo, rum and maxi pads the same way.

The drama thing is still banished. I don't want to talk about it.

A couple of important things have to happen before I can actually start writing something else. This next step is vital to the creative process.

Ready for it? It's a secret, I shouldn't say but I like you so I'll tell.

Here it is... I have to clean my whole house, clean out the car, sweep, wash the dog and possibly the cats if they don't hide fast enough or if I can pry them out from under the couch. That's right, I've got to get some serious procrastinating in before the writing juices can truly flow. Only once there is no more laundry to fold and the house reeks of lemon and pine can I start something new.

I may even piddle around with something from le day job for a while.

Eventually... there is no more stalling... there is just me and a blank page that I will proceed to vomit words all over it, hopefully in a somewhat coherent fashion. Or at least coherent after serious editing. Serious, SERIOUS editing. 

Outlines make life so much easier, but before I can contemplate actually outlining  and <gasp> writing any of my new bajillion dollar ideas, I've got to take a page out of Jason Arnopp's book and alphabetize my dvd collection.

By genre.